Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
