I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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