If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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