this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
