The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
