i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
