You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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