Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
