That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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