i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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