I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
