This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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