I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize