Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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