where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
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