My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
