I am puke
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
