Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
