Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
