Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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