If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
