Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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