My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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