Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
