Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
