A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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