Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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