She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
