capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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