my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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