I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
