just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
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we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
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Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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