Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
