I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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