Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
it's like heaven, but drunker
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
