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My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
