Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i dont even know how to be here
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
