He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
