Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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