so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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