Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
