dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
