For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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