...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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