No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
