i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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