We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
