your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Two words: nipple clamps
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