I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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