why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Two words: nipple clamps
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