dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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