My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
