I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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