There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
