paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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