if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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