I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
