I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
ttyl tear gas
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
