You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
