We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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