Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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