I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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