Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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