um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
