My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
