i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
