mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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